The emotional bully

Verbally-punch-the-emotional-bully-42557639099Look closely at the room and all its activities and you just might see her. The lady standing at the center of the room talking loudly and laughing even louder making everything about her shake except the Mohawk that is well secured by a myriad of pins and hair bands to distract you from the fact that it is a weave. No, that is not she. The other one that is nodding more than you have ever seen anyone do so at a sermon making you wonder what the gentleman in blue is telling her, even though she is composed, that is not she.

She, does not put on Mohawks, or nod incessantly. She does not stand at the center of the room. Matter of fact, finding her at these shindigs is more often than not a surprise. She needs solid reasons to attend events. She will not go to a birthday party just because someone was born then; she will not attend weddings just because people are declaring a covenant that should only be broken by death. But promise her a story, she will come running, and you will notice her presence.

She has a way about her that causes your hair to stand, and yet you are unable to leave without her releasing you. She will probably be looking at you through her Ray Ban glasses with an expression you cannot quite put a finger on. She will ask you who you are and you will think that she has probably asked you something else. You will go about searching for words wondering what it is that could probably impress this woman, and then you will realize that you have taken longer than you should to answer it.

“I am a man…. Aam.. who loves to sing…” then you will notice that she has switched off. You will wonder whether it is because you stated the obvious, that you are a man. ‘I am in a suit and loafers, could she possibly have thought I was a woman?’ you will berate yourself. ‘Heck my name is Donald! or Otieno or Kevin or any of those macho names that could not possibly be unisex in any world. You will give up and walk away questioning your manhood.

Several days later, you will read her blog. ‘He wallows in self disgust and lack of confidence but covers it up with three-piece suits and expensive looking but cheap shoes. He is definitely a phony which makes me wonder how he has survived in the music industry for as long as he has. He must be doing at least one thing right beneath that façade. But whatever it is, I must have missed it’

You will read that description and wonder how she got that without having heard ten words from you. You will think of how it does not sound like you. You will eventually let it go, but the effects her review will have on your career will not be that easy to shake off.

She will go on with life as though she just discovered penicillin. She will get more followers in her blog. She will hone her technique. She will get off on your failures. She will excel. She will be and then someday, she will be no more. Then someone else will take after her.

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