Every time I see you, my heart gets claustrophobic
It beats so fast my heartbeat sounds like your last name which is to say I want your last name
It opens doors and the chaos flood in
An adrenaline-like neurotransmitter called norepinephrine is released which is to say my palms are sweaty and I am an awkward mess
I know it sounds silly, but I wonder if I was not one of your ribs just so I could not spend an entire day without you because
You hold the remote control to my smile and my voice
The other day you said hi
My mind and heart tried to outdo each other on the sprint to the cliff and my body understood what it is like to be glued.
On most days I know how to use my voice as a lifeline. I know how to extend it like a bridge to build a connection but this day, I picked it up like shattered glass minutes after you left and all I could say was ‘what is wrong with me!’
The next time we meet, remind me that you’re a transit good – a temporary delight – and you’re part of my fantasy for the perfect match
Remind me that I keep dedicating time to things that only last a few moments – which is also why I tend to love people who will never love me back. I know it sounds crazy, but it is actually easier than it seems and to be honest, I think it’s safer that way
And if I let you see my skeletons, do not grind my bones into powder and get high on my fault lines
Do not bring my confidence low because when confidence hits the ground it echoes like sin in a room full of God
Remind me instead that I can see you like a bittersweet gift and if I look up from the tangled web of my desire I can see to a point past me and you to something more infinite- to the one who planted that desire, wounding us that way so that we can follow our aches back home.